Today I weighed myself. The results were a little skewed... I didn't do the first thing in the morning thing, I had clothes on, etc. But still. Its apalling--what I'm about to say. I weigh 195. I can't even believe it. I am almost ready to believe that its a mistake, but its pretty close to the truth. I guess we are always ready to shy away from the truth when its ugly. But its true. And somehow I'm gonna have to find a way to deal with that and quick. I feel so disgusting. But I have done hard things in my life, and I will continue to accomplish. I have to. Everything I have ever wanted to be and do in my life is riding on it. I think the worst part is that I basically have gained 30-35 lbs in a year's time. That is sick. Not to mention I was still an easy 30 lbs. overweight at that time... At least I had a waist.

I'm taking leptopril and I had symptoms the first day, but I didn't feel them after that first time. Interesting. I sure hope it helps... I'm afraid. Also, I just messed up because I had some crepes that I thought were gonna be healthy-- instead they were greasy. They had all the right ingredients, just greasy greasy. I am going for a walk tonight as well, maybe run a little.

I have decided to do a cleanse next weekend, when I have time to be away from people, and I probably will try some water pills too (this week). Looking into them anyways. Everything I can do to help myself is a good thing. I'm looking forward to trying SlimQuick after the leptopril, or maybe even alternating. Don't worry, I'm not gonna do all of these things at once. I have boundaries. I just know that I need to do somethings to help my metabolism because it sucks. And also the fact that it makes me stay motivated. I am an all or nothing girl, so if I'm gonna give it all, lets do it. I guess we'll see what happens. Seriously, if I don't start losing weight, I will start going back in to some old habits... I am glad I have a place to air all this out, because I need to talk all this out, and I can't talk to anyone else about it. I don't wanna be judged, and that's all people do.

By the way, until I can really start making a difference, black is my favorite color to wear.