Weight Loss to Date

Sunday, February 28, 2010


Well, ladies... Rejection number 2 of 4 today. I had already been rejected by LSU really early on-- they didn't even want me to come for an audition. A whole fiasco, that one. I'll have to tell the story sometime.

My rejection today came from Colorado. Ouch. It was my top choice. I binged all day long. Horribly. I was/am pretty sad.

I don't know if you believe in God or not, but I really do. I'm pretty screwed up right now and don't really have a great relationship with him... I'm a pretty rebellious and snotty child right now. But I DO know that He has this under control and that there is a place for me somewhere in the world.

The good thing about me is I'm one of the most persistent and perseverant people ever. And I know in my heart that even if I didn't get in anywhere, I would find a way to keep going and pursuing what's in my heart. I will find a way to succeed.

I may post more of my feelings over the next few days. Suffice it to say that I am gonna make it. As far as eating goes, today was the worst day I've had ever... but there's always tomorrow. The rest of my life starts as soon as I get up in the morning and there's always another chance to make it better and start fresh. Looking forward to it.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

If you are reading, please just forgive me. I'm crazy. I will continue to be crazy until I hear from these stupid grad schools. I've never ever wanted anything so badly in my life. I'm nuts right now!

I broke weak. I couldn't take the heat. I drank that million calorie latte earlier... Just had an andes mint, the equivalent of a full bowl of dry raisin bran (at least it will make me use the bathroom), and a large cup of low cal hot chocolate.

And hahaha, my roommate just came home and said... "Oh yeah, you must be stressed. You're cleaning again..."

Oh dear Jesus, help me! (I want to get into grad school and know it already and I want to lose... and be suitable for soubrette opera roles...) I'm so so sorry if you are reading and tired of hearing it. I promise that it will hopefully be over soon.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Good News

I am down 2 lbs from yesterday morning!!! Woohoo!!! 169.6 on my scale, but my scale I figured is consistently about 2 lbs higher than most scales...

Already thinking about my next goals. I'm crazy.

But happy that I lost.
And even though I'm so freaking hungry, I'm motivated to keep going until Monday:)
Hoping to see some great results...


Today I didn't eat. Not a morsel. But I did drink loads and loads and loads of coffee. I drank a venti mocha at starbucks. Don't judge me. I know that has like a million calories, and therefore I have screwed myself over. I didn't mean to drink it all. I was gonna drink half of it and save the other half for tomorrow. I broke weak. I didn't eat a morsel today, and somehow I'm convinced that the scale is going to revolt against me.

I feel so huge... you just don't understand how badly I need this weight to melt off of me. Which is why I have been motivated to fast. But its worthless if I do crap like that. Ugh. I'm sad. But I'm gonna go work out with my friend... maybe I can undo a miniscule amount of the damage I just did.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Today I probably ate around 700-800 cals, and ended up burning in the 400-500 calorie range. Not bad, but kind of bad considering I was just gonna fast. I mean, I guess its good for my metabolism, but IT WASN'T THE PLAN!

Working out always makes me eat. Grr. So frustrating. Tonight I weighed on my scale and I was only a half a pound from being back down to what I was the other day. Which means tomorrow morning, if my eating didn't wreak havoc on my body, I should be a little lower.

Uggh, and it just occured to me that I had some liquid cals today too :( I don't count those when I fast... Welp, maybe I really can fast until Monday. Or keep trying anyways.

WAIT!!! I just remembered that I have some stuff for a special cleansing juice fast in the fridge... maybe it will work! Woohoo! I'm gonna try it. I don't have to eat again til monday if I can just be strong. Wish me luck!

Epic Fail

I was doing so well on my fast... and then I broke weak. I started to get that weak low blood sugar feeling, so I thought I might have a 100 cal popcorn. But then I really wanted some meat, and I had this frozen chicken dinner that was only 140 cals, so I thought I would just go for the extra 40 cals and call it a day. A girl needs protein, right? And then I proceeded to add stuff to it. I lost control. I added a piece of cheddar cheese, and this spicy ranch sauce that I had. And I ate some of my roommate's chicken nuggets. And added some tortilla chips to the mix. and a tiny piece of chocolate.

And now I feel that I would like to puke... willfully and unwillfully simultaneously. But I don't purge, because that would ruin my voice. I probably just consumed 500-600 cals, if I had to guess. All because of my greediness. The good news is, I have been wanting to work out but I'm usually too weak to when I'm fasting. So I'm going to work out now, and give myself a clean slate.

I can do this!! I will do it. Stay strong. The great thing about screwing up is that you can always start over.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I don't want to know how much I weigh at the moment... not for a couple days... BUT:

My skinny jeans fit even when I first take them out of the dryer. That's saying a lot considering that a month ago they were basically completely too tight :)
I stupidly stepped on the scale today... I dunno why I did that. I knew I would be disappointed. But like always, the weight comes off quicker after I eat than other times. It was a painfully high number, but I'm not gonna think about it and I'm not gonna freak out. It will level out quickly. Yay for losing! I'm gonna do it!

Last night I was out of my head with anxiety. It will all be over soon, and I will no about schools. I just decided to block it out of my mind because I can't take this everyday for the next week. So whatever. No reason to think of it much right now. Next week I can worry.

Today is a fasting day, as much as I possibly can manage. And I'm so ridiculously dehydrated... Its gonna be a good day. It really is.


I'm sooooooo freaking hungry. and tired. But last time I fasted the first day was actually the hardest and then the subsequent days were ok. Most people say the 2nd day is the hardest? Well, I guess the 2nd day was the day I had to have popcorn... that part makes sense. I'm going for 3 days again, but I'd really like to last until next monday. That would be amazing. We'll see how it goes. I think I will nap for a little bit and then go get some Starbucks. I need some energy because I have some things to accomplish. I can't stand being a bump on a log. I AM STRONG!!! I CAN DO THIS! WOOHOO!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Welp, cast party is over. Ate like a pig. Made sure to eat desert because I knew I wouldn't get it again. I don't wanna think about what I may have gained. And its over. Back to fasting. Back to not eating. Its great. I just wanna lose.

I don't know how much more suspense I can deal with about waiting for grad schools. Writing about it and telling people and complaining and crying do nothing to help the next couple weeks get here faster. But I may get on here throughout the night... or even the next couple days and gripe some more. It gives me something to do. And makes me feel better, although miniscule.

I feel so fat. But I'm done eating. Yay for tomorrow! The plan is cranberries, juice or popcorn if I get desperate. I'm gonna try to keep it all liquids... 3 days. Can I do it?? I just want to drop weight. So so so so so bad.


I was gonna spew this whole vicious post... but I'm not. I'm just gonna go to bed instead because that is at least half my problem. Horrible mood. Need to just let it go. I will be fine soon, when I figure out about schools. I'm just on edge right now....
I feel like crap today. My stomach always rumbles at me with anger the day after I eat normally. Which is a good thing because it won't take me days and days to get it out of me... hopefully. But I wish I hadn't eaten so that I could keep the results I was seeing. And tonight is the cast party (the director is paying for our food out of the budget so I decided to go...). I wish I had the strength to hardly eat.

The problem is, I am an all or nothing girl. Either I'm gonna eat, or I'm not. I don't do well with restriction for very long. I start eating 700 or 800 and that gets higher and higher really quickly. And then I don't lose or I lose at a snail's pace. It seems easier to eat really well when I do eat, and then abstain as much as I can. I dunno. I'm just afraid that won't work. I'm afraid of not losing. But geez, sometimes I really love starving...

I have a part time teaching job as a music teacher at a little private school. The good news is that I had a GREAT time teaching my kids today, and they are also giving me more hours. Which is awesome because I can use the money for sure! Hopefully our easter program will be good...

Monday, February 22, 2010

I NEED to hear from grad schools more than anything else I've ever needed in my life! I could possibly know sometime next week, so that's 6 days. Could be as much as 14 from now, before I even start hearing... Not sure. Just know that sometime around the first of march.

This is complete agony. The worst agony ever. I'm desperate. Ugh.

And in case you were wondering, I ate a lot tonight. There's always tomorrow. But tomorrow night is the cast party. It just seems like I do better if I turn myself loose when I'm actually gonna eat a meal... I did really well on my semi-fast these last few days. Apparently before I ate I was at a solid 167 (my friend's scale was 3 pounds lower than mine, and she has one of those doctor scales). Four whole pounds. But then if I eat tomorrow, I'll have to lose 2 of those again. Which sucks. But I know my brain... as long as there is an overall loss...

I'm gonna work out tomorrow. It will take some of my stress about this grad school crap too. And I'm working alot this weekend, I think. Just gotta keep myself busy...
This morning I weighed 170.0 on my scale and pretty consistently 163 on my roommates scale. I went to a different friend's house last night and their scale said 169.4; about 2 lbs less than mine. So I think what I will do from now on is weigh myself on mine and subtract 2 pounds. I guess we'll see what my friend's scale says tonight.

I ate a couple cookies earlier :( and I'm going to eat dinner at my friend's house. Santa Fe Soup-- lots of calories. At least with all the veggies and legumes it has good nutritional content. And then cast party. And then I am pretty sure I will try to liquid fast. I feel somewhat pleased with my progress over the past few days, but I need to do more. I want to lose more!!! At least its nice that I've found this semi good willpower.

Just weighed again. My scale: 170.2; Roommate scale: 165.5. Freaking fickle. So annoying. I guess we'll see what my friend's scale says...

Sunday, February 21, 2010

HOW is it possible that my roommate's scale and my scale register a 7.5 pound difference???? And she says hers is pretty accurate. Mine is the heavier one. I just don't get it... Grrrr. Its like the gap is widening. First I noticed 4-5 pounds, then definitely 5, 5.5, and now we are up to 7.5??? I swear I'm not making this up!

Anyways, her scale says I'm 165.0 and my scale says I'm 172.4. I don't understand it. Oh, and this morning when I got up it said 166 and 171.6, respectively... although mine actually varied between the low weight and 173.4. I just don't understand!!! (Oh, and I weigh myself multiple times on both scales EVERY TIME i weigh.)

I'm going to my friend's house on monday. She has one of those balance beam doctor scales. What I will do is weigh myself with all my clothes before I leave and then use her bathroom as soon as I get there. That will at least give me a guess of which one of my scales is accurate. I swear if I had money that I'd go and buy another one. This is driving me crazy!!


So, after the lenten evensong at church, I came home woozy and low on energy as ever. I swear, much more and I literally might pass out. So I ate some popcorn. I honestly do not feel bad about it because I have to keep my metabolism going while still losing. There's no way that can make me gain...

Anyways, my roommate's scale says 164.5-166 and my scale currently says 171.2. I know I'm getting obsessive about the scale. Can't help it! If I took the average of the two, I'm 167.8. Its frustrating not to be able to count on either scale. I wish I knew what the Dr's scale says, because its always the one that counts. But my friend's scale tomorrow night may be able to feud it out for me just a little. I wish I really was 164, but I don't believe it.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Today has been a great day so far! I think I figured out that its really important for me to take vitamin B-- it changes how I feel completely.

This morning I got up and trimmed my roses from last night and put them in a vase. (My voice teacher brought them to me at the performance!) Had a cup of coffee and did the dishes. I am not hungry at all! It could have something to do with the fact that I ate an INSANE amount of food between Thursday night and all day yesterday-- into about 3 am. But all of that is over now. The only times I have to eat this weekend are Monday night to go eat dinner with my friend (the plan is to fast until then) and the cast party on Tuesday night. Not lovin' that those are 2 nights in a row, but if I fast, maybe I can make some kind of progress. I've got to stop with the allowances now. Auditions are over, performances over, and the things I have to do, I can do while I'm not eating.

I can do this! I will do this!


So far, so good. Plenty of coffee, then went out with everyone after the opera performance. Didn't eat, only had a little regular coke. I was getting really faint and dizzy, headache, etc... Yay for fasting tomorrow! 2nd day is always the hardest. And if I need an sos, I have cranberries. I can SO do this!

I'm really hoping to dip below 170. 160's, here I come!!!


Okay, so what the heck should I do?? My scale fluctuates within 1.5 lbs in 30 seconds time. Put myself on the scale 5 different times, got 3 different answers. Grrrrrrr!

My scale consistently says 173.4. My roommate's scale says 167.5. Who to believe???? I think that I'm gonna start following what her scale says too. Hmm. We'll see.
Welp, the past 28 hours have basically been a binge fest... and it was worth it because I sang well. This night and this performance was so incredible-- everything I wanted it to be. I just need to be much much much thinner now so that I can play roles like Zerlina and Susanna and be taken seriously.

I think I'm gonna *try* to fast for the next 4 days and break my fast on Tuesday night at the cast party. I could be well into the 160s by then if I stick to it. And then I will eat whatever I want at the cast party... and then I will go back to restriction. I can do this. All I have to think about is who I want to be as a performer!

I'm gonna do this. Zerlina, here I come!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I am officially at the point of ridiculously impoverished. I have bills that were already due and only $25 to my name. Its gonna be ok... I just have to get through March. And I know that more and more I am being forced to rely on God. Its such a good thing sometimes.

The good news is, I can't afford to eat unless its necessary. That means any stupid binging today? Gone. Can't afford it. Tomorrow? Will only eat whats necessary. Tomorrow night celebration? Probably reduced to a cup of coffee. Cast party? Can't afford it... All these opportunities to get fatter are now out of my reach, thank goodness. I'm feeling very motivated today :)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I know I have to keep my strength up for the opera. After it is over, I have to be strong. Life will only be what I want it to be if I am thin. Period.

I've been really, really tired, and I know I need vitamins. Gotta get those after the opera.

Here is tomorrow's plan:

Work out
don't eat
only coffee and B vitamins until dinner time (cranberries for sustenance)
I need to eat a decent dinner so I am ready for Friday.
Eat well on Friday.
No excuses on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday

Monday--work hard on teaching, work out, don't eat

Tuesday--don't eat until the cast party!

Wednesday--begin liquid fast!!!


A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I feel huge. I binged pretty badly last night... Today I didn't eat terribly. If I had to guesstimate, I'd say around 800 cals or so. Which would have been crazy bad, but isn't in comparison. I have to sing for my dress rehearsal tomorrow so I need to feed my body.

After the opera is over, I can go back to being hardcore. No more auditions or dress rehearsals or performances for a while. I can work out! The cast party will be next Tuesday, and I will save up my calories, but besides that, I HAVE to do this! I CAN do this!!


And have I ever mentioned that I want to be a real opera singer someday and that I will do whatever it takes? I HAVE to lose weight if I'm going to do the kind of roles I want to do in my life...

Monday, February 15, 2010

This morning I ate:

A frozen dinner (160 cal)
a small handful of blueberries (50 cal? maybe 100)
and something else I can't remember but I decided the morning total was:

250 cals.

For dinner I ate:

a chickfila wrap (410 cal)
2 mini peppermint patties (100 cals)
a bit of my friend's sandwich (40ish cals?)
Vitamin Water (125 cals) FAIL.

TOTAL: 925 cals. Way freaking too much. But I did feel really, really horrible this morning, so I needed to eat something substantial... its the stupid vitamin water and peppermint patties that were ridiculous. And I was hoping the wrap was less calories. No such luck.

I've been craving cheese like CRAZY. Cheddar cheese with chicken. Or, to put it specifically, a fried chicken salad with no dressing from a particular restaurant here in town. Sooooo good. I'm so huge. It makes me sad. But I was 172 pounds when I got up. One pound less. Although I am disappointed because the first two times I weighed, I was 171.2. And then the scale randomly changed. I hate when it does that shit. Hopefully I can lose at least a little...

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Weighed myself this morning... 173. I always get stuck at this damned number!!! It is probably more mental than anything bc I dropped to 172 for a day, but I always screw myself over when I get here. Well, today I'm gonna drop it some more. Can't wait to be 165. Seriously.

Today I have eaten some chocolate covered espresso beans: 100 cal?
Starbucks coffee: 100 cals.

Plan is to make it the rest of the day on really light stuff and to be very light about it tonight at the party. Z, please don't don anythign stupid!!! YOU WANT TO BE THIN!!! You don't want to be a fat ass. Which you are right now. Get with it!!!

Tomorrow, hello 172 and 171. You are almost mine!


Today I pb ate about 150-200 cals total of chocolate espresso beans. But at least it was caffeine! And then I had another half a cup of coffee, about 20 cals.

My guess is that I ate around 300-400 cals for the party... Not really entirely sure. More than I wanted :( At least I said no to pizza. It helped to have M.A. there with me, because I knew she was paying attention to what I ate. I always watch what she eats too, though. Not a bad thing. She def ate less than me :(

Lets say I ate between 600-700 cals. Not my finest hour for sure... but maybe I lost. Hopefully. I'm super hungry tonight, for real. I want to be 165 so so so so bad. I need motivation for so many areas of my life right now. So bad.


Plan tomorrow is pb to eat protein. I will eat egg whites when I get up, maybe a boxed dinner at some point. I need energy. Today was tough, and tonight is even worse. I just weighed at exactly 173 (again!) but maybe by the morning I will go down... We'll see. I know I really need to hydrate tonight so that I sing well...

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Opera rehearsal allllll day.

Food so far:

Coffee with High Protein slim fast: 200 cals (haven't had it all yet, so only 150)

Homemade chili (approx 5 oz) with a couple spoonfuls of cheese and a little piece of bread: 230 (according to fit day...)

Total so far @ 2:05 pm: 380 cals. Higher than I want it to be, but maybe I can make it... and I'll try to make that coffee shake last the rest of the afternoon-- crossed fingers.


Didn't finish the coffee. Dinner was the new veggie pesto soup from Panera: 160 cals.
Greek salad w/ feta: 100 cals?
whole wheat baguette: 50 cals?

Approximately a 700 cal day, 800 for good measure. Not my finest moment, but I guess I can't complain too too bad. Better than some days, and significantly lower than my BMR. I haven't weighed because I'm afraid. I will soon. Maybe one more day of this? I want to be in the 160's so so so so bad.

Tomorrow, as you know, is Val day. Plan is to eat next to nothing (finish protein coffee shake? cranberries? 50 cals of soup. That would be 150 tops.) and then eat VERY moderately at my Val day party. Hope I can be strong. Maybe I won't stay that long so that I can avoid temptation too much.

Today J. and T. both commented on how healthy I looked... J. almost verbatim repeated to me what he said the other night. I feel like such a whore because I only want to make out with him. The day that I get that kind of feedback from him may be the day I can feel okay with my size. Its such a slippery slope baseing your worth on a fickle player of man (he has his good qualities too). I just need... some approval. I feel like a whore.

I know better than this-- there are so many reasons that I am a wonderful and valuable, smart, intelligent, capable woman. But its worthless unless I can be that AND be thin. I can do this!!!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Coffee-- 40 cals
yogurt-- 80 cals
a waffle fry-- 25 cals
banana-- 90 cals

Total so far... 235. And I may eat this granola bar I have sitting in front of me. 130 cals.

Total so far now-- 365. Keepin it under 500 today. Why do I only think about food?!?!?! Going to work out in just a bit. Good for me, at least I'm doing something!


Burned approx. 300 cals at the gym in this aerobic dance class. My friend talked me into it bc she was teaching and it was the first week. Not what I wanted to do. I felt like a fat ass bc there were boys in there too. And I could have burned more cals on the elliptical! Or even walking up hill. Ugggghhh. Oh well. Its done. I have opera rehearsal all day tomorrow from 10-5. Hopefully I won't eat anything stupid for lunch.


Drank like a 90 calorie coffee. I didn't mention that I got down to 172.2 the day I left for Knoxville. Since then its been constant eating because of either trying to keep my strength for singing, or being around people. I'm going hardcore again, and I love it! Haven't weighed because I feel like I probably gained more than I wanna know... So I dunno when I'm gonna weigh, but it will pb be in the next couple days. I feel like there is something wrong with me because I'm not hungry at all today...

After what J. said, I can't wait to get down to a weight that is not disgusting. Seriously. I want to make out with him just so that I can say that I have. I'm so shallow. I think really that I just want to be desired by SOMEONE. Somewhere. Is that so much to ask? My big goal is 150 for now, but 165 is my relatively short term goal. I NEED to do this.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

This is terrible... but someone I would desperately like to make out with told me he could tell that I had lost weight.

Except that I have eaten like a fat ass recently.

Cuz I kind of am.

He said, "I dunno what you're doing, but its working."

So I guess its back to it for me! Thank goodness for motivation!

Z: ...Hoping for some news which isn't going to come for another 3 weeks
Literally, this started the day after I got back from Colorado
and hasn't stopped.
quite ridiculous

1:38am J: you're so intense lol
by the way I meant to tell you, you look well.. Have you lost weight?

1:39amZ: yes

1:39amJ: T. noticed too..
You really look great, Z


1:39amJ:I don't know what you're doing but it's working

1:39amZ: thank you

Monday, February 8, 2010

I need some reasons to lose weight right now:

1. All the ridiculously successful and talented opera singers are as beautiful and perfect looking as their voices sound.

2. My Father.

3. General opinion of men everywhere.

4. General opinion of people everywhere.

5. More beautiful people succeed much easier.

6. My health.

7. I can run!

8. I will get to do more varied opera roles! I would make a more believable Zerlina or Adele, etc.

9. My voice type requires it.

Things I will do when triggered:

1. Drink a ton of water.
2. eat celery til I'm silly.
3. look at the opera videos I have of myself.
4. Compare fat and skinny pictures.
5. Look at pictures of young successful opera singers.
6. List all of the things my father would say, and that I feel certain other people in my life would think...
7. Think of T. and J. and all the people that look down their nose at me just because of how I look.
8. Drink coffee.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

So much for that new low... :( I ate a full lunch today because I was really weak and had an audition. That part was worth it. But then I ended up with a dinner which I could have avoided or at least eaten lighter (and I ate it ALLLL), and 2 huge chocolate bars which I have eaten 1.5 of. Suck. And tomorrow... super bowl and there will be food and I will be hungry. What is my problem???? After auditions are over for sure, and I'm not around people, I will be going hardcore again. Need to cut it down now.

Challenge for myself: See how little I can eat at a super bowl party!!! I can do this!

I HAVE to do this. I am a fatso.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I basically am stuck at 173. I have been stuck here before, the last time I saw this number. No matter what I did i couldn't break through. Took me several days of being hard core, then once I got past it, it was all good.

Today I have eaten one egg white (45 cals) and had about 60 cals worth of coffee. I am gonna take a mild laxative/stool softener thing, drink a ton of water bc I am dehydrated, and call it a day. I will break through this wall, mentally AND physically.


And I just put the stool softener in a glass of milk... (130 cals)


Drank a powerade, and a vitamin water, had an egg white, and a big handful of french fried onions. Ugggh.

But I did burn 625 cals today. I almost broke even, I figure... If I am not at least one pound lower tomorrow, I dunno what I will do. I just have to break through! Today has been hard. When I ate the egg white, I got that "open the floodgates" feeling you get when you know that if you eat just one bite, you may not quit. I managed though.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

If I had to guess, I'd say I ate about 600 cals today. Which honestly, is a little bit okay by me. I was eating too little before, and I still feel hungry, so maybe it will be good.

I'm tempted to weigh now, but it would be pretty unproductive... I might anyways.

I really was dehydrated this morning, so I am gonna try not to panic tomorrow if the scale tells me there's been a gain. But I hope not!

There is absolutely NO excuse for me to not work out tomorrow. Period.
I woke up this morning and I weighed 173.2. Whaaaa? I mean, I'm not complaining, but its interesting. I'm also super dehydrated too, but who cares about that. I so didn't sleep last night hardly at all. That probably doesn't have much to do with it. My appetite is pretty shot aside from a few munchies here and there...

I hope tomorrow I will see 172, or even 171!!! I dunno why I'm having this crazy wonderul dumb luck, except that maybe I'm not eating as badly as I think. Or maybe its just the dehydration talking? I can't toooo terribly dehydrated because I can still sing for the most part. I drank water and we'll see for tomorrow. I did drink a crap load of coffee yesterday... and I haven't been drinking much at all. Just cross your fingers that I will see a loss tomorrow. Really, really, really want to be in the 160's. I could potentially see 167 by this weekend if this were to keep up.

I know Friday night and some on Saturday I will have to eat carbs to help me sing well. Hopefully i can squeeze workouts in tomorrow and thursday, maybe even friday to make up for it.

Monday, February 1, 2010

I am such a freaking cowwwwwwwww.

I had the stomach flu (sort of) this weekend, and I gained because I was so queasy that I didn't mind eating whatever would settle my stomach. I was down 22 lbs, but I've probably gained 5 of that back. I was only 3 lbs. from my goal for my audition

It will be ok. I will pick up the pieces!!! I figured out that I really, really, really wasn't eating enough and that's why I was tanking and feeling so tired all the time. At least there is no more ice cream in the house. I really, really, really can go back to this!!!

My plan: Eat 1000 cals and burn 500 on the days I work out (every other day). Eat 500 cals (or less?) on regular non gym days. My metabolism should be psyched out enough from that! Starting tomorrow. And tomorrow is a 500 day...

I know I will drop at least a couple of the pounds I put on very quickly, because I always do after boost my metabolism like that. My plan is not to weigh again until Wednesday morning. No point weighing tomorrow, I will just be depressed!!