I am a blimp. This is out of control. Must gain control. This "there is nothing wrong with me" shit is just that: pure shit. In the meantime I accept myself and continue getting fatter and fatter. This means war.

Today I went salsa dancing and legit burned 600+ calories. We'll say 600. And I walked 40 mins to school, so thats another 125.

For dinner I had about 500 cals--small chicken caesar salad and this chicken soup that was amazing from San Fransisco Soup Co. So good, one of my new go to places!

During the day I had a 100 cal pack of almonds, a bag of pretzels, a few chocolate covered cranberries, and a granola bar and some little odds and ends. Prolly 500-600 cals. Not really my best day, but considering I burned over 700 cals, I think I'll survive.

Same plan tomorrow. Eat very light during the day (coffee and almonds) and eat a good but healthy dinner.

Well, today I ate probably at least 1200. I ate 200 cals worth of almonds, some munchies in the teacher work room :(, drank some gatorade and coffee, and then I had about 450 worth of salad and soup for dinner. I ate way more than I intended.

However, I ran my ass off tonight, and I did yoga. I burned 428 cals just running alone! And then I burned around 120 cals doing yoga... Normally it'd be more but did some heavy pranayama (breathing exercises) today, so less movement. Anyways, if I had a higher than expected eating day, at least I can be happy that I burned half of it off. So I guess my net intake is around 600 for the day AND I am closer to gaining muscle. That I can be happy with :)

I realized today (and the reason I ate well at dinner) is that I'm restricting too much which is why I fail miserably. I've been a little food obsessed. I decided (and I know some of you will bitch that this isn't healthy, but we all try what we need to try) that if I can stick to around 300-400 cals including coffee during the day, I can eat a "hearty" salad at night, as long as I avoid carbs. That I can handle.

Anyways, I guess in the end I'm sort of pleased with today.

Oh my stars. I got wasted on NYE, without meaning to. It happens I guess. I had too much fun. NYE 2012, I'm staying home to knit and going to bed at 9.


Probably not, but geez. Glad to leave that shit in 2011 where it belongs!

I ate too much shit the past couple days because I had a house guess who is a BFF of mine. I'm gonna let it go and not freak out.

Plan tomorrow: almonds and coffee for breakfast. salad for lunch... I have to go back to work tomorrow and I agreed to have lunch with a friend. So salad. Almonds for dinner. 100 calorie packs of almonds are my savior.

For snacks... Dill pickles. They have zero calories, you know.

And coffee.

And yoga and running tomorrow night.

Here's to a self-disciplined third day of 2012.

Some serious self loathing going on. If you only knew how bad its gotten in the time I've been away, and how much better it HASN'T since I've been back.

I'm sad. But I will find something nice to wear tomorrow and try again for another day...

So I had "breakfast" which was about 250 cals of whatever was around. A mini clif bar, some beef jerky. My plan is onl coffee and tea the rest of the day. I can so do that. And yoga and walking today.

The good news: I did yoga and I ran today.

The bad news: I ate way more than I wanted to, including chocolate. Sad day.

The good news: I wanted to finish my leftovers from lunch, but I didn't.

The good news: I can pace myself through those and they can be my "all day" food tomorrow.

Progress... progress.