Weight Loss to Date

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I stopped purging. I would like to say for good, but its probably a lie. But for now I'm done. Today I starved myself. I ate raisin bran for breakfast and that's it. Not gonna lie, I enjoyed myself. I felt in control. I felt together--like I used to feel when I did it in middle and high school. I feel in control when I don't eat, out of control when I do. Even when I puke, its like getting out of control and undoing it. I know this is all basic psychology/stating the obvious, but I just wanna say it anyways.

Its just really strange that I enjoyed starving today, because I usually don't. Or haven't in a while. Thoughts of starvation are fleeting and then I get over it and don't want to anymore lately. But today I really wanted to. I want to tomorrow too. I'm having lunch with a friend who has a layover at Denver Airport. Oh well. I just need to remember how great it is to be this in control and keep it that way!

I'm fat. And I don't wanna be. I want to be in control of myself.

1 comment:

  1. Food is a proxy for something else, usually...what is it about yourself you feel is out of control?