So I purged twice this week. But I wrote one of my friends an email... my old counselor actually... and told him. I know when I disclose information, I'll stop doing it. I don't want him to be disappointed. I think it worked. For now.
Today I did pretty well til the night. I didn't eat a ton but it was very bad food. I hate food.
I am weary. I can't seem to do any significant damage to the scale. I grow frustrated. My metabolism has slowed considerably since I started this endeavor. 37 lbs later, I am weary. I'm seriously considering eating light to normal and just making myself work out really hard every single day. Would that help?!? I dunno. I don't know what to do. Even starving just makes me feel miserable with very few results.
I know I sound crazy. I am. I'm so disappointed in everything I am. I'm not going anywhere fast. At least that's the way it feels today. Maybe I will be fat forever. But I have to try not to be. I know I can reach my goals. I know I can be thin. I know I can be an opera singer. I just have to keep going and keep trying. I can do this. Right now, I need to sleep.