Weight Loss to Date

Saturday, May 1, 2010

What must it be like to be beautiful? All I feel is ugly and fat. What must it be like to be so naturally thin and gorgeous?

Or even to be pretty and average size? Nope. Instead I am destined to be fat. I can't control my eating. I'm so out of control. I need a buddy. One of my buddies quit on me. The other one lectures me all the time and anytime I ask for help and motivation, she gives me the bullshit that she doesn't wanna help me get sicker.

Bullshit. I'm not sick. Unless sick=fat. And then I'm pretty close to terminal.

What is it like to be pretty? Will I ever know? Even when I am good, my weight seems not to budge. I run. I restrict. The scale doesn't budge.

What is it like to be pretty?


  1. Sounds like you are having a rough time. I wish I had some really awesome advice or words of wisdom, but I thought I would at least post a little comment to let you know that I've been there too. :( I hope things start getting better soon.

  2. If you ever find out, let me know. :[ I've never known either.

  3. This is gonna sound kinda creepster status, but I've been reading your blog for a while now even though I haven't commented and I keep thinking that since you'll be moving to colorado and I live in colorado that maybe we could keep in touch? I dunno if that's super awkward, but I figure I may as well put it out there.

    Also, I saw the pix you posted a while back and you are beautiful. You have a glorious smile and your skin is quite lovely. If you saw yourself the way others see you, I think you'd be pleasantly surprised. :)

  4. For me to feel beautiful means to be skinny.
    but that is just me


  5. I felt beautiful at one point. It's all in your mind. Just stay strong and keep pushing for that goal.

    And maybe buy yourself a cute dress when you read your next goal:)

  6. Z, how many times have we been over this. You're gorgeous! I've missed you too. Lately, not many people have been blogging on a regular basis so I was going to give you a couple of days before demanding you come back. So...um, start posting again....please?

  7. And what do you mean you need a buddy. Duh. I'm right here