After the last post, I just have one observation to make.
J. made a comment about how I had been coy in my flirtation, and maybe I should be more straightforward. HA.
UGH.
I can't stand it when men say they want women to be straightforward and honest about how they feel, but when the woman actually does, THEY CAN'T FUCKING HANDLE IT. Its too much for them.
I don't think, although I don't know for sure, that J. will not be calling me for another date. It went fine. I was myself, always the goal. My ex, his BFF came up... some awkwardness tied into that. But its fine. I think maybe he's just too backward to actually go through with it.
Or maybe its because he's working on his PhD comps this week.
Or maybe the ex told him some shit about me. Whatever.
Or maybe he's just not that into me.
Whatever the case, I want you to know, and I want him to know, and I want to remind me even though I already know, that I am awesome. I have issues and some fuckedupness, just like anyone, but I will be good for someone. Sometime. Maybe not him. And maybe just not right now. But that's ok. I am ok with that.
I like the way I look. Mostly. And even when I don't I'm learning to.
I like who I am. That's not hard. Who I am is a sweet and genuine person, I just stick my foot in my mouth sometimes. But I have a great heart.
I have a lot of amazing shit going on. So excited to sing. I am a little worried about school work for the semester. But a whole lot of amazing shit is happening otherwise.
The other boy, R., is taking me to a really nice restaurant for our 2nd date. I am really kind of surprised... I feel like he might kinda like me :)
and if he doesn't... OH WELL. I like me :)
My weight is still kinda fluctuating, but its dipping a teensy bit lower... Hopefully I can keep that up. I pray to God I can keep that up.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hmmm....
ReplyDeleteI've never had a problem with men (or anyone) not being able to handle my straight forwardness, but I don't give them the whole casserole in their lap all at once. Men want to know what's what...but not all of it in one go.
I'm glad you feel confident and self-assured...those are both appealing qualities, but it feels to me (although not strictly or implicitly) that there's a lot of judgment or defensiveness towards the guys you go out with if it doesn't go exactly the way you imagined?
As though you're imagining all these negative things about why he didn't react or behave the way you hoped/thought even though it wasn't a terrible date.
Anyway. I'm at work and shouldn't even be reading this right now. lol the kids are writing thank you notes to their 5th grade reading buddies. I should be hovering around with an eraser. ;)
Love this post. Loving ourselves is the most important goal of all.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't fret too much about the one date. Like you said, you're awesome, whether he sees it or not. And probably his own hangups prevent him from seeing that. Sometimes its hard to date people who have been in our friends circle. There's so much history there.
Well best of luck on your other date! Sounds like you're doing just fine, enjoying it and being yourself. Don't pressure yourself that something has to come out of it. For now, just enjoy being in the moment!