Weight Loss to Date

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Almost as if an answer to prayer I lost 2 lbs, not gained, and I had no desire to eat. I drank way too much though. Listening to my body is going good though.

I still want to be loved unconditionally.

I still am horny as hell and would like to be in a situation with a person I can trust infinitely so I can remedy that....

My friend Elise is with a man who started having sex with her, and realized the value of waiting, so they stopped. They lived together and somehow they are managing to not have sex while they wait for the wedding for about 6 more weeks. This waiting has been going on for months now. You can believe that its hard to believe, but I hang out with them all the time and I believe them. Wonderful amazing beautiful people who love me for me. Loving me for me doesn't happen that often these days, or at least it feels so... To have friends that love me for me when my own family can't is a big deal.

I am singing in their wedding. I am ecstatic.

Can I be with a man who loves me for me, wants to wait to have sex (all of it, not just intercourse) and won't leave me once he marries me? I promise to be a kinky bitch once I'm married... believe me I am in my heart. I just NEED to know that he will stay with me.

Am I crazy? Can this be found? Can I have a hot hipstery husband with facial hair even though I am not perfect and won't put out until after we're married?

And even more, do you think maybe I could have a husband who love Jesus and helps me do the same?? I am having a hard time doing so, even though I want to desperately.

Can I have all those things even though I'm standing here waiting for them? Waiting is grievous to me, but wait I do. I can't do intimacy or vulnerability with ANYONE until I am sure. In the meantime my single loneliness is teaching me some beautiful things....

1 comment:

  1. This is gonna sound awful, but there's no such thing as a man you can trust infinitely, and there is no way of knowing if a man will stay or leave until you take the risk of being with him and you see for yourself if he stays...and sometimes it's you who does the leaving even when you thought/said you wouldn't.

    You can never be certain in advance, so waiting to be certain is the same as waiting forever. There is always fear...but that shouldn't be the emotion that dictates your decisions, options. There are times when leaps of faith are the only real way to move forward.