160 lbs. What the ..........? I hate myself. I'm trying so hard to resist the desire to pig out on everything. Nothing works. It doesn't matter how many miles I run or how much I starve, it seems I will be fat.
I feel like a worthless piece of garbage. It feels like I will always be fat. There are so many things going right in my life, but they matter so much less if I am not beautiful to go along with it all.
I'm massive.
The good thing is, psychologically I know when I feel out of control, all I have to do is starve to feel in control. When I think of it that way it feels easier to starve, but also like I am a stupid spoiled child. And also, I feel that if I am starving, I'm starving purely for the control, because my stupid fat ass isnt gonna actually lose weight from it. I feel so worthless.
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I completely understand what you mean here...it all feels like the effort goes in and the results never show, it makes me feel so crap. :(
ReplyDeleteYou aren't garbage though, you just have to keep going! It takes 3500 calories to burn a 1lb of pure fat, so if you eat 500 and burn 1000 every day then you will loose 1lb every week-and it won't bounce back really quickly because you won't be starving; metabolism won't drop.
I've been trying this but my family don't let me go running/to the gym... :'(
I hope you find it more useful. Good luck xxx
2 things...no, 3 things you should decide:
ReplyDelete1. Is it more important to you to a)lose weight, or to b)feel in control by starving?
2. Is it more important to you to a)look good, or to b)not eat?
3. Is it easier for you to imagine yourself more at peace with who you are if you are a) thin or b)starving?
If you answered A at least twice, then you need to figure out what diet plan will maximize your body's ability to burn fat/lose weight, and stick with it.
For some people, that means lots of protein, minimal carbs and weight training. For others it means complex carbs and lots of cardio. It also means eating. Regularly. Maybe even keep a food journal and exercise log.
If you chose B at least twice in a row, knowing that starving (less than 600 cals per day) will not cause you to lose a substantial amount weight unless you do it for two or more months straight without let up, then you may have food anxiety that can't/won't be satisfied by weight loss anyway. The calm or peace you feel from opting not to eat at all is the reward, and the weight loss itself will not bring you that same feeling.
Personally, my abject fear of fat/fatness has caused me to eat many a day when I'd emotionally rather fast. I fast when I just can't handle the food anxiety at all, but in general, fat scares me enough to motivate me to eat.
Lastly...you aren't stupid. Love loses more pounds than loathing. Remember that. The more you denigrate yourself and your body, the less your body will want to do anything you ask it to do. Why would anyone want to obey someone who hates them?
You are awesome. Sing a song about it. Then take a spa day, drink lots of water, and remind your body how good it feels to let go...and then it will want to let go of the extra pounds, too.
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