160 lbs. What the ..........? I hate myself. I'm trying so hard to resist the desire to pig out on everything. Nothing works. It doesn't matter how many miles I run or how much I starve, it seems I will be fat.
I feel like a worthless piece of garbage. It feels like I will always be fat. There are so many things going right in my life, but they matter so much less if I am not beautiful to go along with it all.
The good thing is, psychologically I know when I feel out of control, all I have to do is starve to feel in control. When I think of it that way it feels easier to starve, but also like I am a stupid spoiled child. And also, I feel that if I am starving, I'm starving purely for the control, because my stupid fat ass isnt gonna actually lose weight from it. I feel so worthless.