Denver art museum tomorrow. The plan is to drag my ass out of bed, look cute (and hope I don't look too fat), and stop by starbucks (yum). I'm just going with the art teacher from my school, her daughter who I haven't met but apparently is overweight, and a couple of the kids that I teach. Should be fun. Excited about learning about art...

Weighed today. It was grossly high. Granted, since that time I have had two large bowel movements (tmi, I know!) and I had just drank a ton of water after running on the treadmill. Hopefully the reality is not as bad as that dreadful number.

I wanted to run again before bed tonight, but I didn't want to have to wash my hair again. Whatever. Exercise is more important. I continue to eat normally. I drank so much alcohol the other day... 4 glasses of wine plus some other stuff. I don't really believe in New Years resolutions, but I am glad for a fresh start and the excuse to eat less and run more this semester. I am dreading going back to lesson planning. Love teaching, hate the lesson planning. I feel very much in a valley in my teaching right now, which I guess is normal for this point as a first year teacher. I'm just worn out and I don't wanna go back. Break is not long enough.

Sometimes I wonder if I am doomed to be fat forever? I am not disgusting, I really am a cute girl. I just have a hard time with my weight. And even though my ex dated me the way I was and supposedly thought I was beautiful, I still hear that voice in my head that says no one will ever want to be with me unless I'm thin. I'm going home to visit in late Feb for a week and I'm really hoping I can lose 10 lbs by then...