Weight Loss to Date

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Mad Greens Salad--620 cals
Latte--100 cals?
Piece of bread for breakfast--100 cals (to be safe)
2 cookies--300?
Chocolate milk--380 cals

I'm pathetic. Really. I can't believe its possible that I could have consumed that many calories today. I'm pathetic. I'm disgusted with myself. Do I not get that I'm disgustingly huge? Rolls of fat hang off of me. People are disgusted with me. They would like me so sooo much better if I could control myself. Which clearly I can't. And I got home early enough to run on the treadmill. And I didn't do it. Catching up with friends on the phone is nice, but when you are this large, exercise is of utmost importance.Right after I was eating those cookies, I thought about purging them, but also kind of difficult when you are on the phone. Ugh.

In other news, the art museum was freaking the most awesome thing ever. My music degree served me well. It was like having a playlist in my head for every paiting--music and art line up in many ways in terms of time periods and styles. I love art. I plan to go to that museum again and spend hours there. I loved it.

I bought some sugar free redbulls today.

I'm tired of being fat. So tired of it. Thinness is not out of reach. I just need some discipline. I can do this. I can control this. Everything I want is in my reach if I want it badly enough.

Tomorrow. No eating. I may get roped into dinner. That's allowed if I run 4 miles tomorrow. I should be able to do that. No excuses. That would put me at 12 miles for the week. Which clearly hasn't made a dent in my fat rolls. I HAVE TO STOP EATING!!!

1 comment:

  1. :/

    I wish there were something I could say that would make you see how reasonable what you ate was, how generally well balanced your diet is and how being negative/self-destructive will not create the body or spirit you deserve to have.

    The worst part to me about having an ED is how much joy it can rob you of, how much energy it saps, how much beauty it spoils.

    Take a moment, take a breath...don't let your weight be the determining factor in how rich your life's experience can be.