I don't know why I worry so much about people griping at me for not eating. Believe me, it won't be an issue for a long long time. I saw a video of myself teaching voice lessons and OH MY GOD. My mom looks awful, and I look just like her. sick. We are definitely mother and daughter. Its intimidating to think about how bad I look. I did pretty well today. I only ate celery and had coffee, and as far as I can remember, I didn't cheat AT ALL. Tomorrow my buddy wants to have me over for dinner. If I was serious about this I think I would avoid food like the plague, but I really want to see him. I think I will just try really hard not to eat much. If I can stick a bag of celery in my car, maybe I will be ok.

After seeing myself, I don't wonder that I am 1 point away from extreme obesity. There is no sugarcoating it. I have GOT to lose this weight. I am so nervous about going to see my Dad this weekend :( Not only are they going to be shoving food in my face like always, watching me like a hawk, but I hate being criticized about my weight. It will be good for me to face up to the reality of things. That and I really like my winter clothes much better than my summer clothes. Oh man. Reality is a hard thing to face, but really good. My job for the next 8ish months is to get this under control. If I can manage to not fall off the band wagon, I really could lose 80 lbs in that time period. Even if I lost 50, things would be so so so so much better.

I've GOT to start working out. Everyone always talks about life changes. I wish I could get addicted to working out. Actually, I have, but its easy to fall out of if I don't have enough time to keep it up. Why can't my life be simple like summer of 2007? It was a hellish summer, but not bad in some ways. I was running every day. At least now I know that I can stick to this celery thing and it helps. Its really really tough to work out when I am so tired from not eating... but motivation goes a long way! I know that I have no lack of motivation as a person... I just need to get a handle on my priorities for the semester coming up!