I found out the other day, and forgot to mention that my BMI is like one point away from severely obese. Disgusting. I can't believe it. The problem with being fat is that you never really can tell you are, I think. At least that's how I am. Its just hard for me to sense how big I really am because I am always thinking about what I looked like at a healthy weight. Course I was younger too. I would probably be damn sexy if I was small. I take care of myself and I try to be fashionable. Course we can't think about would bes... I either am or I'm not, and I'm really, REALLY REALLY NOT.

I guess we can say that I don't lack in the confidence department. Its good to get all this on paper because it helps me hate myself less and do more. Its good.

Last night I did really, really good in the eating dept. I had all that crap for lunch and then I didn't eat again :) My stomach got that pain in it as a result, and then of course I felt it again today when I ate lunch, but I dealt. Oh, and I had some hot chocolate with my coffee today... Today for lunch we had carrots, corn dogs, pears and french fries. Plus my usual milk of course. I need to give that up, but I mean, it doesn't matter anyways because today was my last day. Tomorrow we go on choir tour and I have to figure out a way not to eat a lot of garbage. It will be so so so so so so hard, but I can do it!

My plan tonight is to not eat anything except for maybe an apple if my blood sugar gets too low. I am hopeful that I am beginning a better trend now with the weight loss... I still want to do that cleanse but my plans to purchase it last night were very very foiled when I had to take a friend to the emergency room.

The nice thing about today (and also the new jeans that I purchased) is that I've already gotten a "you look slimmer" compliment. The person blamed it on the jeans, not me, but I'll take it anyway. I was thinking a couple days ago that I don't do quick fixes, but actually, I'll take the quick fix. I am a determined girl and this weight WILL stay off. Quick fixes are good. I kept the weight off for 3 and a half years before, and I will continue to do it (without going back to throwing up-- I can NEVER go back to that for the sake of my voice).

I love the feeling of hunger :) It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. And I feel confident. And powerful. Hopefully I can make it to the gym tonight *crosses fingers*