Weight Loss to Date

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I really wanted to use the F word a few minutes ago, but I think I'm calmer now. Since I've started this, I've lost 2.5 lbs, which is crazy low for what I expected. I have to keep in mind that I didn't sleep at all last week, though, so that's a part of it. I ate really bad again at lunch time, so I took my supplement. I was kinda pissed, but I haven't eaten anything since then at around 12. Its been six hours and I feel like I am dying of hunger, but at the same time, hunger feels good. Its amazing how I go so quickly from healthy eating to just starvation, but I am an all or nothing type of person. If I can't do this THIS semester, I will never ever be able to do it.

I am scared of pre-diabetes. Diabetes runs in my family, and I probably am pre-diabetic as we speak. But I will lose this weight and banish it.
Hunger feels good. Intoxicatingly good. I have felt like this at least since middle school. I remember being in the 7th grade and feeling good about myself for being hungry.

I want to try another diet pill, but I can't find one that I can trust... ech. I guess that's the problem with this... there are no quick fixes. But I will stick with this. I DO know that I've got to work out more if I expect anything to happen anytime.

Apparently my "date" never meant for it to be a "date" and things spiraled out of control. Asshole. How the hell do things spiral out of control? Couldn't you just choose your words so that they don't lead me on? Oh, I know! He was ashamed of me because I'm fat. There ya go. I have to do something about this. Hunger feels like a good solution. I think I will still buy the cleanse I wanted to try. I have Wednesday and Thursday that I can get away with not eating-- Tuesday is gonna be a hard day because its stupid pizza for the choir tour, but maybe I can make myself eat all salad.

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