I am just one blessed pound away from my first goal. If I get there today, I will have another 13 days to lose 10 lbs, and I know I can definitely do that if I work hard. I am sooooo sooooo close! The bad part is that I know I will probably gain a little bit in Colorado from being with my family and jic the host home tries to feed me. And the fact that I need my strength while I am auditioning.

I need to go buy some metamucil!

Okay, wish me luck. I'm gonna eat a small breakfast and hit the gym.

***

I ate my breakfast... then went to bed. I know its because I am having trouble in the BM area if you know what I mean, but my tummy hurt so bad. Eating helped but did not abolish it. Ugggh.

So... about 100 cals worth of blue berries, and a 50 cal piece of bread, and now I'm drinking about 50 cal worth of coffee with cream.

Yesterday was about 300 cals. I think the day before that was 250. I'm thinking my lack of energy is from extreme exercise and little food. But that's the only way I can lose... so I'll figure out a way to do this!

***

I was thinking about that Bethany Dillon song "Beautiful." What makes me angry about the whole thing is that she is. The lyrics say "I wanna be beautiful, make you stand in awe, look inside my heart and be amazed..."

Its kind of bullshit. Because I really do want a man to love me for my character, but no man loves for character alone. They want you to be wonderful behind the guise of alluring physical beauty, too. I mean, I know some people who are NOT attractive and married great, attractive guys because their "character" was beautiful, but she is thin. That's the way it has to be for me. Its sad. I really do want to honor God in who I am... but I'm gonna have to be this for now too. I haven't gotten terribly much accomplished the past couple days because I'm just focused on losing. I really need to get it in gear. Seriously. If I do that, it will take my mind off food and I will lose even more because I will be busy.

***
I made it!!!! I lost more than a pound since this morning, which means I moved down another tens place!!! I went and worked out tonight after choir practice instead of this morning, and I burned 707 calories. I think I've consumed in the neighborhood of 250-300 cals. Which makes this a more than -400 deficit for the day:)

If I can keep this up, I will meet my goal for Colorado and look great at my audition!(And actually, i think I will be seeing my ex boyfriend who lives nearby.) And I have almost 2 weeks after my CO audition-- I will have eaten and upped my metabolism again... I'm expecting to have to, so I think I can go down another tens place from there for my Knoxville audition on Feb 6th. Yessss! That will be almost 40 lbs. in less than 2 months if i can manage it. I think I've seen that number 1 time since I started college. Seriously. I'm on my way! I think I could reach an almost normal weight by April. That would be incredible! I think my goal weight for April will be around 130... Let's hope for less!