Yesterday ended up being ridiculous. Some where in the neighborhood of 1500 cals. I just finally gave up and started eating chocolate. I had a lot of protein which was so good for me-- I feel better-- but I ate a lot of shit too.

I went to freaking chili's and had chips, salad and soup. Ate some chips and soup, prolly a good 300 cals? Didnt eat all the salad.

If I can be hardcore the rest of the day, maybe I can get my life back. I am not going to weigh because its pointless. Someone said that fast-restrict-fast-restrict is the best diet... I dunno. My body just keeps shutting down on me. Welp, if I can lose a couple pounds every few days, I guess I will have to be okay with that. I probably need to eat normally one day a week to keep my metabolism up... I dunno. I don't care how I do it, I just want to lose. I'm a fat ass.

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Its not that I'm not strong enough to do this. I just have to be strong enough to do this and everything else, too. Seriously, nothing else matters but being thinner. Well, being thinner and still succeeding at other things... Its so hard. I had a crappy eating day today. But tomorrow WILL be better. 500 cals. That's my limit. Period.

Actually... i just thought of something. I have that stupid party tomorrow. I'm gonna have to barely eat tomorrow in order to make it :(