I am such a fat ass. I go home tomorrow and I can take control of my eating again so that I can be a real soubrette. Fuck any thyroid issues that anyone might have. Fuck them all. I am going to beat this! And be a real opera singer. Just watch.

So tomorrow. Coffee and toast in the morning. And... FUCK! Mark wants to take me to dinner. Salad. It just has to be.

I am an all or nothing girl... but I so could have eaten less on this trip, I really could've! And exercised. I obviously am not as commited to this as I need to be, but that's about to change. I HAVE to be a real soubrette!!! I am realizing that in all or nothing, the "all" part really just can't come into effect. It. has. to. stop. I am expecting to be 180, at the very least when I get home. My goal is to be 170 by my next audition. And 167 by the opera. That's 3 and a half weeks away. I can so do it!

I would like to be 160 by March 13th. Can I do it? If I did that I would only be able to make it to 150 by the time T. comes home on the 2nd week of April. A let down. But it doesn't matter how fast I do it, as long as I do it. Realistic to think I could be a normal weight by August if I stayed the course. Not where I wanna be, but a soubrette weight anyways.

I CAN DO THIS!!!

CGW: 170 and an audition. Here I come!