I'm out of my head with exhaustion for lack of food.
Last night I binged, but not because I was painfully hungry. My energy was so low and I felt so so horrible that I just had to eat. I'm scared... The lack of food has been taking its toll on my body and I'm so so exhausted that its hard to accomplish anything to my fullest capacity...no pun intended.
I want to starve myself away... I NEED to lose weight. But in order for me to get through this weekend and into next week with success, it doesn't look like I'll be eating much. I better do well at this stupid competition and my elementary Easter play that I'm leading better go well. Otherwise I have wasted what feels like millions of calories for nothing.
I just want to starve into oblivion. I want to be thin. But I also want to succeed at the things I do in life. Why can't I have it all?
I'm so so sooooo tired.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
It's so very hard to have it all. :( I can tell you this much: when I first started losing weight (before I jumped headfirst into this disorder) I did it quickly (20 lbs in 20 weeks) and safely, and I hardly ever felt deprived, and I NEVER felt weak, dizzy, exhausted, or unhealthy. I did it without working out, other than some light walking and regular daily activity. 1,200 calories a day, mostly fruits, veggies, and whole grain stuff like wheat bread and oatmeal. No fried foods. Lots of Atkins bars and Clif bars because they're filling and satisfied my chocolate fix. I plateaued at 140 and thus became increasingly frustrated and extreme with my dieting, and now I'm where I am...but still, that first 20-25 lbs was cake, compared to this. Starving is such a bad idea (and yet I love it...because of my stupid mental illness, but that's another story, huh? :P) and relatively quick and sustainable weight loss CAN be achieved in a healthy way... Maybe try it? I don't know if it would work for you, but it might end up surprising you. :) Who knows...just tryin' to help. ;)
ReplyDelete<3
P.D.
starving yourself really is terrible. we all know it. we all feel like crap. i'm always weak and shaky and yet the starvation has slowed my metabolism down so i'm not losing as fast as I used to. and if I start eating normal, i'll gain weight ridiculously fast! and I cant even work out to speed my metabolism because i feel just TOO WEAK.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. its awful. and addictive.