Weight Loss to Date

Friday, April 9, 2010

Addendum/Clarification to the previous

I just have to clarify that I'm venting right now because I'm sad. I don't know how any of you feel about God, or if it weirds you out that I talk about him. But I have to tell you that even despite all of my issues, He has always been so good to me.

I rant and rave about how fat I am, how I can't understand why God made me this way, why I can't have what I want in life even though I've worked so hard. But even when I don't understand, I know that he is good. He has always taken care of me. I'm so screwed up. I know I am. This starving/ binging thing I do isn't the best. Self-deprecation, not really the most holy thing ever.

I'm all messed up. And so so soooo human. And I've ripped open my chest, and all of you are getting to see my raw, fleshy, wounded, bleeding but still beating heart. And even though I'm terrible and spoiled and selfish and such a brat, and even though I'm so confused about my life, and even though I'm sad...

and even though I'm not ready to stop starving myself to deal with my fat and and my problems...

God is still so good and so kind to me. And tender. And patient. And I hope maybe you can feel him being the same for you.


  1. Hey dear.. I have a testimony to share that I hope will encourage you. Could you give me your email?


  2. Hi lovely, God is good, so true. I sometimes feel a bit guilty that I can't appreciate the way God made me, but as you said he is patient, and hopefully one day I will be able to say that I love the way he made me.

    Thankyou for sharing!!


  3. Oh I know how you feel! God has been very good to me too, but sometimes it's just like, man, can't I have a freebie every once in a while? That one thing that I don't have to truly work for? But you know what, I think you'll be a great opera singer. Not just a teacher. The weight will come off and it doesn't matter that much in opera anyway. At least not in the MET's performance of othello that I saw. Trust me desdemona was sooo not thin. But also, look at Maria Callas, she was overweight and eventually lost it and was so pretty! You are losing weight and I'm sure your life isn't that far out of control. You can do it!
    PS: I'm sure you're wondering why I know anything about like opera singers and such. My mom was an opera singer (not like uber famous or anything) but she was a pretty fierce lyrical soprano. So everything I know, she made me learn, lol :)

  4. Thank you so much, love!! Knowing that you're cheering for me definitely makes my day... makes me smile, too. You're such a beautiful soul; I'm privileged to know you. :) Well, you know, not KNOW you, but you get it. ;)

    Stay lovely, dear!