So today I had some screw ups, but considering how I've been doing, it wasn't a fail. The important thing, I always feel, is that I go to bed hungry. I didn't get to run because the weather is very very bad right now. The blessed moment I go out there it will start to rain. Just my luck. So I guess no running tonight :(
I had a moment tonight at work, after scarfing down a salad, where I decided that I was a greedy fat kid and that I didn't deserve to eat. Its true. I want to fast because when I start eating I just screw it all up. If I never start, its a lot easier. But I'm always so afraid of making my metabolism slow. So sooo afraid of that. Because basically, it works for me to only eat right before I exercise. Mentally that works. But that's how I got myself locked into the same weight for a week without a budge.
I need a fresh start. I'm gonna go weigh myself and see the moment of truth.
166.4. It doesn't really count because its night and I've eaten today, but that gives you an idea that I've gained at least some. My weigh was holding pretty steady at 163.8 for that one week, and then I already told you what it was the other day.
The new plan is to get into the 150's asap. I anticipate that I'll wake up 165 tomorrow morning. When I first started I was working out first thing in the morning and only eating about 300-400 cals a day. Walking in the morning was really, really good for me. That's what I need to start doing. It was working. I know I can do this.
I am a greedy fat kid who doesn't deserve to eat. And I know I can be amazing, I just have to starve the fat kid. I will do this!